Do You Want a Therapist Named AI?

“A machine, however magnificent, has no soul, nor does it move with the rhythm of instinct" - Marion Woodman, Chrysalis: The Psychology of Transformation

I asked ChatGPT a question consistently received from clients: how do I be vulnerable in my relationships?

It’s answer: “Being vulnerable in relationships doesn’t mean telling someone everything all at once. It means letting someone see what you genuinely feel, need, fear, or care about—even when you’re not sure how they’ll respond.”

ChatGPT continued their response with practical steps. And ended with: “And importantly, vulnerability should be earned, not forced. You don't owe everyone access to your deepest feelings. Healthy vulnerability happens with people who demonstrate that they can treat your openness with care and respect.”

That’s not a bad answer for a machine!

However, just like machines do not have souls, neither do they have nervous systems, empathy, or life experiences of both suffering and joy. Therapists do have these qualities (or at least I hope they do!), and that is a significant part of why therapy works. Therapists can read body language, observe behavior changes, listen for tone of voice, notice shifts in facial expressions. Tracking these nuances is just as important as listening; they provide the essential information therapists need to support a client's self-awareness, self-acceptance, and growth.

You can practice being vulnerable with your therapist. I can almost guarantee it will feel very different than asking AI and attempting it in a close relationship. Practicing being vulnerable requires doing it in a psychologically safe place and with a human who knows just how hard it can be. This is equally true for navigating other mental health concerns and making meaningful changes.

AI and Self-Trust

Someone I’m close to has been consulting with AI for six months now regarding a complicated friendship dynamic. She recently realized the problem had become more convoluted; partly because ChatGPT’s suggestions sparked even more thoughts, emotions and questions when she followed through with its suggestions. AI couldn’t hold her accountable for following through with changes she wanted to make in the friendship. 

This is anecdotal but given human behavior and our need to connect with one another, I suspect this is a fairly common experience when looking to AI for relationship growth.  

Part of having a strong sense of self is trusting that you can make decisions guided by your values, needs, and past life experiences. As intuitive beings, we have unique sensory inputs and outputs, as well as complex emotions. Ultimately, self-trust is a touchstone of transformation.

AI as a resource

There are AI and online tools that can be helpful in planning, organizing, or making decisions that require little emotional involvement. I’ve worked with neurodivergent clients who find the app Goblin Tools effective for breaking down do-to lists, help with focusing on one task at a time, estimating how much time an activity might take and finding recipes with random ingredients! 

With more people experiencing feelings of disconnection and loneliness, a therapist can provide a meaningful chance for you to connect with another human in an emotionally embodied experience that is witnessed and validated. Trust me, AI is not capable of that. 

I invite you to consider how you want AI to be, or not be, a part of your life. It is here. And most likely not going anywhere. 

Finding a therapist

An essential part of therapy working is finding a good match for your mental health needs. Here are some tips on finding a good fit:

• Many therapists offer a free 15–20-minute consultation. It’s an opportunity to get a “vibe check” for both you and the therapist.

• Ask someone you know who is in therapy, or has been in therapy, for a recommendation. Ensure the person you’re asking is not someone too emotionally close with you (in other words, the chances of the person you ask is not a reason you’re seeking therapy). 

• Consider asking: a colleague, a friend of a close friend, your hair stylist, post a story on Instagram about your therapy needs and someone might respond (someone found me this way!), a former therapist, or your healthcare provider

• You can filter needs such as therapist specialties, fees/insurance, gender and location.

• https://www.portlandtherapycenter.com/ (Oregon therapists)

• https://www.psychologytoday.com/us  (Nation-wide)

• https://openpathcollective.org/  (Nation-wide, numerous sliding scale fee therapists)

NorthStar Therapy Collective is taking referrals for individuals, couples and mother-daughter dyads. We have a dynamic team of therapists who are committed to supporting you.  

https://www.northstartherapycollective.com/ (Oregon, Washington, California)

I invite you to be gentle with yourself in the process of finding a therapist. It’s vulnerable- a living, breathing therapist is mindful of this. Godspeed!

Written by Angie Martin, a Licensed Professional Counselor, who works with difficulty in relationships, ADHD, codependency, and aging body/body image.