How to find strength in your AAPI identity when it is under attack

In Western cultures, we live within a system where the AAPI community can be unseen, unheard, and unwanted. It’s already hard enough for AAPI individuals to celebrate their identities and confidently take up space. On top of that, the AAPI community and many other marginalized groups are under attack in the current sociopolitical climate. As someone with a Taiwanese- and Korean American identity, I have found myself in recent times feeling more afraid of being noticed and singled out. 

What if my perceived otherness puts a target on my back for rejection, aggression, or violence?

And yet, I find myself not wanting to give in to this dynamic. I don’t want to hide. I don’t want to “let them win.” I don’t want to support a narrative that AAPI voices can and should be silenced. At the same time, I was taught from a young age to lay low, follow the rules, and not cause trouble. After all, this is an important survival tactic for immigrants to better blend in and acculturate. However, this mindset makes it trickier for us to find our voices and speak up against racism and injustice.

It’s in this uncomfortable push-pull experience where I find myself torn about how to exist in my identity. What is the “right” thing to do–for myself and for my community? How can I feel comfortable within my identity when my very identity is being attacked by people in power? 

Fighting cultural identity stress with mindful self-compassion

Navigating this tension regarding cultural identity can feel overwhelming–as if there’s no way to win. In my own experience, I’ve observed that when I worry about doing the “right” thing and what I “should” be doing, I find myself more weighed down with guilt. For example, I sometimes think I should be bold and proud of my cultural identity and that I should be able to exist without fear. Other times, I feel afraid to speak up about injustice because of potential consequences, then I feel guilty because I should have done something.

Instead of being burdened by “shoulds,” perhaps this is an opportunity to practice mindful self-compassion. Often used in therapy, mindful self-compassion encourages you to offer kindness to yourself when faced with suffering or feelings of failure. It focuses on mindful acceptance as a way to acknowledge reality without judgment or self-criticism. The truth is, as AAPI individuals, we’re already facing enough systemically; adding on the internal turmoil of shame certainly doesn’t help. Rather, mindful self-compassion is an approach to gently view our truths with self-kindness and encouragement while finding our way towards what feels right for us.

For example, when I see news about how the AAPI community is facing violence and racial discrimination, I often notice myself feeling frightened and wanting to shrink inward. Rather than judging myself for experiencing fear and the impulse to hide, I might offer myself a compassionate reminder that it’s okay to have real feelings in response to real threats.

Similarly, if I feel bolder on other days to use my voice and let my identity and culture shine, I might remind myself that it’s okay to take up space in ways that feel good for me at that moment. 

How we exist in our identities often changes day-to-day and that’s okay. We can move with our changing needs as our lives, our feelings, and the sociopolitical climate continue to move, and all through a lens of self-compassion.

I want to note, however, that mindful acceptance does not equate to complacency or passivity. We aren’t simply tolerating systemic racism and settling with that. With mindful acceptance, we acknowledge the current truth while holding on to what we desire. This approach allows us to retain space for our suffering while identifying our desired actions with more thoughtfulness and intention.

Exploring your cultural identity

In light of Minority Mental Health Awareness Month, I invite you to consider your current relationship with your cultural identity.

Using the social identity wheel, list each of your identities under each sector.

Then try reflecting on the following prompts via journaling, voice memo, or a conversation with a loved one if that feels do-able.

• What does it feel like to be you today?

• What are all the intersectional identities that make up who you are? Which identities do you think of more often, and which ones do you think of the least?

• Within your identities, where do you find strength and pride? Where do you feel protectiveness? Where do you feel fear? Where do you feel shame?

• What are your wants and needs that would allow you to feel good within your identities?

As you reflect on this, try doing so with self-compassion and without judgment. This is an opportunity to better understand yourself. After reflecting, this can help point you to action that aligns with what you want or need.

Thriving within your cultural identity

When we experience stress around our cultural identity, it’s a good opportunity to consider where we can find strength. Depending on your needs and capacity, you can lean into your cultural identity in any of the following ways:

Focus on self-care and feelings of safety

Self-care can be considered a form of resistance. Turning your energy inwards does not mean you’re running away from problems. Rather, it is an active process of nourishing yourself so you can then direct your focus to meaningful action. Self-care can include engaging in activities that support our well-being. It can also be a thoughtful act of care informed by your core values.

Engage in your culture in ways that are meaningful to you

Cultural identities can be a source of resilience and purpose. Consider ways you can better connect with your cultural identity, such as:

• Learning about the history of your community in the U.S.

• Exposing yourself to other AAPI stories or perspectives through movies, books, podcasts, or social media pages

• Participating in your culture in ways that you enjoy (cooking/eating, attending cultural events/festivals, learning or practicing the language, etc.)

Find community and strengthen relationships

Think about relationships where you feel safe to exist authentically. Or think about relationships that you would like to build upon, or new relationships you’d like to form. Focus on nurturing the relationships that can give you strength. They may be your family or chosen family, close friends, partners, coworkers, roommates, etc.

Additionally, virtual community support groups are available to connect with others with similar lived experiences.

Connect with a therapist

Working with a culturally competent therapist who understands racial trauma and systemic inequities can provide a safe space to process your identity and guide you towards living the life you want. If you’re interested in working with someone on the North Star Therapy Collective team, reach out here.

You might find that working with an AAPI clinician with similar lived experiences would be especially supportive. The Asian Mental Health Collective is one example of a therapist directory that features clinicians with AAPI identities.

Advocate for social justice

If you’re interested in speaking up and fighting, look up social justice organizations and see how you can get involved. Examples include Asian Americans Advancing Justice (AAJC) and APANO (in Oregon).

Note that there may be moments when it’s hard to speak out. There are times when our voices are tired, or situations where our voices cannot be heard. Activist burnout is real. It’s okay to be selective of situations that are deserving of your voice.

We exist in a system that, in many ways, is not kind to us. The least we deserve is to provide kindness and self-compassion for ourselves as we figure things out. Take good care of yourself, access resources as you want, and respond to yourself with mindful self-compassion. There are many ways to exist and thrive within your cultural identity.

Cassie Liu, LPC is a mental health therapist at North Star Therapy Collective and licensed in Oregon and Washington state. She supports AAPI individuals and couples with navigating life transitions and cultural complexity to build confidence and strengthen relationships.